Reverse Insertion: An Unusual X Fanfic
by Bob the Almighty
Summary: The perils of fanfiction writing.


Title: Reverse Insertion: An Unusual X Fanfic  
Rated: PG-13  
By: Bob, the Almighty  
Disclaimer: I own my two original characters but not any of the characters or situations belonging to CLAMP. Being as I'm an unemployed otaku, suing me would be futile anyway.  
Summary: What any sensible person would do if the following events actually happened.  
  
Deep in an ordinary little town somewhere in British Columbia, Canada, an otaku and her friend were in the midst of plotting out an X/1999 fanfic. This in itself wasn't terribly unusual or worthy of reading about but the events that would follow… those would change things forever.  
  
" 'It was a dark and stormy night,'" Jorine Terna, aka the author, spoke as she typed. " 'The year was 1999, it was sometime in late May, and already a fair bit of Tokyo was in a state of mass deconstruction. Among the lights of a great deal of other buildings Tokyo Tower stood tall and looked remarkably similar to another tower in a country where everyone spoke French instead of Japanese.' How's that for setting Larisha?"  
  
"You should probably flesh it out a bit," Jorine's best friend Larisha Wrendale replied idly, "and the 'dark and stormy night' bit is kind of cliché."   
  
Jorine nodded. "I will. This is just the preliminary planning after all."  
  
"Lessee. 'The Dragons of Earth, sans one, were all lounging around in the basement of the government building. Fuuma Monou, aka the Dark /Kamui/, was peacefully plotting out his next encounter with his twin star while munching on vanilla-peach ice-cream and listening to a Bad Religion CD. The bioroid, Nataku, was winning a game of Grand Turismo against Kusanagi (?), the environmentalist/earth-mage of the group. Yuuto Kigei, the party's government worker/aqua-mancer was bothering Satsuki Yatoji who was, as usual, interfaced with her super-computer Beast monitoring the 'Net for anything even vaguely interesting. The Dreamgazer Kakyou Kaduki was napping, as always, and wondering why his usual End of the World dream had been replaced by what looked like some sort of bizarre English science fiction comedy. Lastly, their resident omniyouji/assassin, Seishirou Sakurazuka was out in the rain attempting to feed his cherry tree.' How about that?"  
  
"A bit descriptive," Larisha answered dryly. "And you'll have to do some last-name research soon."  
  
"I know, I know, it's just a bit difficult to keep track of everything sometimes…. Anyway 'The Dragons of Heaven, also sans one, were in their current home, the Inomoyota Mansion. Kamui Shiro, destined savior of humanity, was moping and generally being depressed as he did his math homework and listened to a Jewel CD. Lightning-mage Sorata (?) was pestering everyone's favorite Ise Shrine Maiden, Arashi Kishuu for a date while they did their homework. Yuziriha Nekoi had already finished her homework and was playing with her best friend, the spirit dog Inuki. Karen Kasumi, pyromancer extraordinaire, and wind-master Aoki Seiichiro were being responsible adults and making dinner for everyone. Subaru Sumeragi, the Seals' omniyouji and Sumeragi Clan Head, was out in the rain, death wish in hand, looking for Seishirou Sakurazuka for vengeance and whatnot.' And yes, I am aware that is a lot of unnecessary information."  
  
Larisha shrugged. "As long as you don't put it in the story itself," she said, then blinked as two details hit her. "This is going to another angst-filled SxS fic isn't it?"   
  
Jorine stopped typing for just a moment to nod and say, "Yep. Probably."  
  
Lari sighed loudly in reply and complained: "Really Jo, can't you ever write something a little more… lighthearted?"  
  
"Sap makes me nauseous," said Jo with a shudder.  
  
"Then write comedy. Or even just a the-world-doesn't-end-and-everyone-lives fic."  
  
"Like… an alternate universe?" Asked Jo as an idea circled around her head, just out of reach. "I tried to write a Love Hina-X fusion once… but it turned out to be too hentai for me to write without getting horribly embarrassed every time I reread what I'd written…"  
  
Lari blinked, got a rather vivid mental image, and blushed fiercely. "Er… not that. I was thinking more along the lines of well… something happening that would just make it so the world wouldn't end without anyone having to die."  
  
The author nodded wisely, remembering having to counsel her pal every time a character died during the X movie… and then in the anime… and then the manga… and in certain fanfics… and every time a song from the movie or anime came up on Winamp…  
  
Suddenly the idea came within pouncing distance and Jorine grabbed the revelation. "Okay… what about a semi-author insertion then? I've got an idea that might fix everything without us ever even being seen."  
  
"I don't really like S-I fics," Lari said slowly, "but what's your idea?"  
  
The author smirked evilly. "Well I had two really. Firstly we'd have to…"  
  
***  
  
The next day in the X universe:  
  
"The note said what?!" Demanded Sorata and Kanoe almost in unison as the remaining Dragons of Heaven and Earth (plus random bystanders) gathered at the shockingly empty lot where Tokyo Tower was supposed to be.  
  
The detective in charge of the site shuddered slightly at the massive waves of shock, worry, anger, and hysteria that were practically radiating from the two unusual groups of people. Reluctantly he reread the note that had been found to the assembled people, once again wondering why it had been written in English. "It says, 'IOU: 1 Tokyo Tower, two /kamui/s, two omniyouji, and two yumeni.'"   
  
He wasn't quite sure what a 'kamui' was, although it was obvious that these people did, but he was reasonably sure omniyouji were spiritualist of some sort and yumeni… well he'd heard they were people who could see the future in their dreams. All in all it sounded like the theft of Tokyo Tower had something to do with the city's population of psychics… of which he was almost completely certain these two groups were part of. Wonderful.   
  
He sighed and continued. "Then it says, 'by the way we probably won't be returning any of these things but we might borrow the Eiffel Tower in Paris too so we'll have a matching set.'" He grimaced at the glares he was receiving and finished with, "It ends with, 'Have a nice life, signed J and L.'"   
  
***  
  
Back in what passes for reality:  
  
"Out of curiosity," Larisha asked slowly as she watched a crowd start to form around the newest architectural addition to their small town, "was this supposed to happen?"  
  
"You think I should have put it somewhere else?" Jorine whispered back.   
  
Larisha stared at her, shook her head in utter exasperation, and whispered back. "I think you should have kept it fictional! In case you've forgotten you also included some of the main cast who happen to be just a bit dangerous. Well, two of them anyway…" She paused for a second then added: "Where did you put them anyway?"  
  
Jorine pointed up at the top of the Tower. "The top observation deck… they prolly haven't awakened yet."  
  
Larisha nodded. "Good. I'll go get my car; I think it'd be best if we were as far away as possible when they do."  
  
"Good idea, I'll get my credit cards… it'll save having to pack."  
  
Three minutes latter they were on well on their way out of town and really, really hoping no one knew that the whole thing was their fault. Especially the people they'd just kidnapped from another dimension.   
  
__  
  
End   
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End file.
